Snowball Awareness

I have just had a realisation of a pattern I have been committing since my early 20’s – I work hard in a job and then after a while I become resentful of the place, wishing I had more in my life. I then start to explore my passions and have a million ideas of what I would like to do. There are so many ideas that I simply have no time to do them all because I have this damn job that takes up five days out of a seven day week. It doesn’t seem fair.

So instead of focusing on just one interest and developing that in my spare time, I tend to chuck it all away and try to start a new all at once. It all sounds like a good idea at the time, but then with throwing away my job, a few months later I feel unsupported financially and my focus switches to feelings of worry, fear, disappointment and failure rather than the beautiful positive creation that was so motivating in the beginning.

Does anybody else out there do this? Or am I the only insane dreamer that has good and sincere intentions that snowball into an empire resulting in irrational decision making??

It’s great that I’ve made this realisation four weeks before I’m about to chuck it all in again!… gasp! I am laughing to myself about it now, but last night I was crying. Why do I do this to myself and why can’t it just be easy?

My plans have now changed a little, like anything I need to remain flexible (yoga classes are next on the list). I have a substantial amount of money saved to last me a little under three months. However after a true reality check from a very wise lady yesterday I need to  secure a regular income while I develop my ideas. A job that will cover my weekly costs of rent, food and bills, and that allows me to work 2 or 3 days per week.

So the goal posts have already changed but the intension remains the same.

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