Should I or Could I

Someone told me earlier this year that what used to work, will no longer be of use to us in 2012. Behaviours and old ideas that worked wonders are now out of date. I drew a comparison with new technology – new versions are continually being released and people camp out over night to buy them. If only we were all so enthusiastic and motivated to improve the awareness of our minds and body!

So during the year I have continually questioned the way I am thinking. Exploring my reactions to scenarios, and sensing when I may be holding myself back from experiencing something new. I have been amazed at the obstacles I put in front of myself to make me believe I don’t have the ability to do what I really love.

Washing, ironing, vacuuming, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, working for someone else… the list goes on and on and on. I have just recently discovered that I thought I should do these things to be a good person. Probably because my parents thought they should do it to be good people, as did their parents and so on.

But in matter of fact if I were taking responsibility for myself I actually could do them. The moment I say could instead of should there is no room for resentment, guilt or sense of obligation. The choice to act becomes completely mine.

I remember the first time I put this concept into place. It was mid-morning on a Saturday. It started on a positive note, I’d cleaned the bathroom, put on the washing, changed the sheets and had begun doing the washing up. Except with each action I was becoming more and more resentful and my lucky boyfriend was in the firing line. ‘Why did I have to do all this? Where was he – oh I see, out in the garden enjoying the sunshine and fresh air. Why doesn’t he come and do this?! …’ But then I stopped. Hang on – he didn’t ask me to do all this. Why do I feel I have to do all this housework? Because I always have and that’s what you always do on the weekend – clean the house.

Year 2012: things that used to work will no longer be of use to you.

I promptly stopped washing the dishes and took three deep breaths and thought to myself ‘What do I really feel like doing right now?’.

I had just laid my hands on an epic book about the chakras of the body that I was dying to read. The gloves came off. I went out into the garden to give the boyfriend a kiss because I felt like it ;), grabbed my book and for the next couple of hours immersed myself in the world of chakras.

I loved it!

When my reading session had come to an end I felt completely satisfied. I ran outside to tell my boyfriend all about it. By then I was hungry so I made us lunch and did the dishes with a smile on my face and chore didn’t once enter my mind.

I have since deleted the words should and chore from my vocabulary. Satisfaction in my life is too important to include them. Give it a go for a day and let me know what you think!